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Abstract Recent gravitational wave (GW) observations include possible detections of black hole—neutron star binary mergers. As with binary black hole mergers, numerical simulations help characterize the sources. For binary systems with neutron star components, the simulations help to predict the imprint of tidal deformations and disruptions on the GW signals. In a previous study, we investigated how the mass of the black hole has an impact on the disruption of the neutron star and, as a consequence, on the shape of the GWs emitted. We extend these results to study the effects of varying the compactness of the neutron star. We consider neutron star compactness in the 0.113–0.2 range for binaries with mass ratios of 3 and 5. As the compactness and the mass ratio increase, the binary system behaves during the late inspiral and merger more like a black hole binary. For the cases with the least compact neutron star, the GWs emitted, in terms of mismatches, are the most distinguishable from those by a binary black hole. The disruption of the star significantly suppresses the kicks on the final black hole. The disruption also affects, although not dramatically, the spin of the final black hole. Lastly, for neutron stars with low compactness, the quasi-normal ringing of the black hole after the merger does not show a clean quasi-normal ringing because of the late accretion of debris from the neutron star.